A year, a change, awkward.

Bismillah.

I phoned Marissa last night. We talked about her upcoming birthday and how our lives have been since the last time we've met, about one year ago. I got to admit, it was awkward. And I don't like it. I'm afraid if I've changed and I am no longer the old me. The old me who they used to talk to. The old me who they used to do things with. 

But Marissa is really nice. She said I haven't change at all. That's a relieve, Alhamdulillah. Adlin said I am more stressed. That's true and I'm trying to get rid of that. I am trying to get back to the old me. To the old me who used to go to school with all her homework done. Who used to be a student who never come to class late even if she has other commitments. Who always have a book in her hands. Who always remember Him, the Almighty. I'm trying to find and be that person again. It's a battle, you know. And so far I'm winning. All praise to Allah.

This is the time when I think really deep about my life and how I have used it. It is not a continuous deep thinking but it is a thought that comes out of nowhere and I started to think, ponder about it then it disappears. The next day, it comes again and left. When I'm thinking about it, I got lost in my own thinking. Oh, one thing I noticed about me is that, I could get lost in my own world without realizing it. For example, I could get lost while I'm reading. It's like I can put myself in the book and feel the characters. Even when I'm studying I could get lost. Especially in History subject. I study like no one. I perched at my study corner and got lost. Wait, let's get back to the deep thinking story.

So, the deep thinking that has been going round and round in my head lately is about my friends and how it used to be. How things used to be then. How things are now. And what will happen if we meet. I can't write about this anymore. It is so (what is the correct word. I'm losing grip in my vocabulary skills) sad? It is not a sad feeling. But rather like something-is-missing-and-you-know-you-can't-fix-it feeling. I'm bad at describing feelings. 

This post is quite boring, I might say. But hey, you just saw a different part of me.

May Allah bless and may we get to experience Ramadan this year with barakahs.